Have yourself a merry little Christmas...

The weight is still up, and I didn't make it to the gym much last week. I did go on Saturday, and took a little class called TRX- here's a description from Urban Active: "Harness your own bodyweight to create resistance with this innovative suspension training class."

There's lots of awkward positioning, pulling yourself around, doing complicated planks and things that look incredibly graceful when the instructor does it and mostly awkward with my attempts. Regardless of how I looked, it was an excellent workout. I know, because it still hurts to move, cough, breath, or basically exist.

And while most people would experience that and laugh and say "I'm never going to do THAT again!"....

I think I've found my next workout/weight loss challenge.

What I've learned:

1. Snickers are my weakness. If they are in the house (even if I just get a pack of the fun size/mini ones to stick in my lunch), they will be gone in 48 hours.

2. The gym is my friend. I turn into a grumpy butt when I haven't been to the gym in 3 days, and I find it nearly impossible to sit through an entire movie when I haven't been.

3. It's very possible... very likely... oh hell, it's a given-- that there are going to be days that you screw up. There's going to be days where you question if weighing almost 300 pounds was "that bad"- after all, you didn't freeze like you do now, and you didn't think about every bite that went in your mouth. In some respects, you were blissfully unaware of your weight.

I'm having a very bad week. The scale said 187.4 this morning (I had on sweatpants and a sweatshirt that probably weighed around 3 pounds but the scale is UP regardless and I am feeling tired and grouchy and unmotivated). The thing is, it's the week before mother nature's favorite gift, and I gain 3-5 pounds in this week every month. I'm crabby, emotional, and I gain every month the week before, and yet every month I panic when I see that weight gain. I know that next week, the weight will go back to normal as long as I keep drinking lots of water. But for today, I am in crisis, lol.

Oh what a weekend...

Sometimes I love my life.

This weekend was great. I went out with some of my friends still at Transy, and ran into some people I was super close to when I was still in college, but don't get to see as much anymore. I had a whole lotta fun, even though I headed out relatively early. I stayed up till 1 though-- something I don't do anymore, lol. Last year it was an early night if I was home by 2 or 3 on the weekends... not so much any more. (To answer your question, Laura) I've applied to law school for next year (all my applications are in and the LSAT is over- wooo!!!!) and part of me hopes my fun side will be revived by being back in school, lol.

I'm also trying to get back on track. I ate in my calorie range last night (nevermind that it included a sandwich and then cinnamon rolls I baked for dinner, lol). I went on a 5 mile run/jog this morning, and lifted some weights. My weight is currently 182.2... which I'm fine with.

I know when I go home for Christmas (I'm off work from Christmas Eve until Jan 5-- almost 2 whole weeks!! Woo for working for a major university!) I'll be eating often and poorly. Sure, we'll have veggies and healthy snacks and such in the house, but I'll be going for the cookies, pepperoni rolls, and the chex mix. I'll keep up the exercise, and hopefully will be dealing with only a small gain.

I think it also helps that I've had some big slip ups in the past year.

In April/May especially, I ate horrendously and drank merrily, lol. I was getting ready to graduate college, and my friends and I made the most of the end of college. I was still working out, but the weight loss took a back seat. After graduation, when I was working for the summer (still on campus), I picked it back up. I've learned that eating bad... whether it's a few days a month, or for a few months straight, lol, DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A PERMANENT STATE!

Even now, I feel like I don't quite binge out like I used to.

Ok, except for Thanksgiving, when my sister said "Jeez, it's like you haven't eaten in a week!"... to which I replied, in my best Chris Farley voice, "Lay off me I'm starving!" Oh how I love my sister (she was teasing-- it wasn't said in that horrible way that only family can really pull off)!

:)

Falling off the wagon...

The past 2 days I've eaten more than I needed. There's been lots of junk food and fast food, and the weight was up a little this morning. I didn't work out yesterday (I went to see Twilight instead... <3!!!!!), and I'm debating whether I'm going to spinning tonight or just going for a run and lifting a little.

I think I'm kind of blah because it's been so rainy- I just want to curl up and sleep!!

So who else exists on fast food?

I realized something today: I don't cook.

Now, this isn't shocking, seeing as I still have a big burn mark on my hand from where I made brownies for a baby shower at the very beginning of November. It may have even been in October- I don't remember. I consider it cooking when I put canned veggies in a pan and warm them up... or when I stick one of my frozen dinners in the microwave.

But since at least Wednesday or Thursday, I've been eating my major meals out.
I've had taco bell (2 soft tacos and pintos and cheese, coming in @ 610 calories), Wendy's (spicy chicken sand and baked potato w/ 1 packet of butter) @ 710 calories, Wendy's (10 pack chicken nugget combo with small fries) @ 800, a 600 something calzone last night, and subway tonight- meatball sub, baked lays @ 680.

I've stayed within my calorie range (1400-1800), and I'm working out pretty well... and the scale said 181.8 tonight.

So even though I know I need to be eating healthier (I do have yummy turkey sandwiches, grapes, carrots, and usually a yogurt for lunch)... I'm happy I can still incorporate food I like into my new lifestyle.

:)

I got my first "Aren't you happier now?"...

Oh how far we've come. These two pictures are from my birthday this year... a mexican bday meal isn't complete until they come out bearing the sombrero of humiliation, lol.

Last Christmas (2007) with my sister's evil evil dog, and out on the town while I was home. :)

So I've had a lot of people start asking me how I've lost the weight, if I have any tips... and I had someone ask me if I was happier now that I weighed considerably less.

I look at these pictures and I'm amazed by how different I look. But the thing is, I don't think I looked bad before. In fact, I'm kind of pissed that that red turtle neck doesn't fit anymore, because I was hot stuff in it!!!!

At my heaviest weight and now at my lowest weight, I have always held the belief that I am gorgeous, fabulous, wonderful, silly, goofy... etc. I know that I can look good at any size I choose to be.

I've dated at my highest and my lowest, and at various points in-between.

Yes, I do FEEL BETTER-- physically. My knees don't hurt, I don't worry about if I'll be all awkwardly out of breath from something simple like walking on a gentle incline (seriously- the little incline at Transy last year between MFA and Haupt was part of what showed me I needed to lose a little weight- I couldn't walk up it and talk to someone at the same time). I feel stronger and more in shape.

But when we go to the mental health side of things... meh.

I'm going to be concerned with my weight for the rest of my life.

I'm pretty sure of that. I can remember always being the chubby one when I was little. I went on my first diet in grade school! I know what it's like to be fat in our society-I've gotten the look, I've heard some whispers from strangers, I was made fun of back in the day, I've had trouble fitting in an airline seat, and I've been called that dirty dirty word- FAT. And you know what? I survived.

I even lost the weight.

But I still see myself as heavier. I'm not at all comfortable with the way my chest or stomach look-- I've lost a lot, and it's made for some interesting extra skin. I still have a "spare tire" around my hips and lower stomach... so even though I'm only 6 pounds above 175-- where I thought my 5'5" friend looked SOOOOOOO AMAZING... I don't really LOOK like that... so I'm still working on it and trying to make the actual body shape start coming together.

But even with these concerns, I'm still happy, if neurotic.

And I'm still hoping the day will come when my weight isn't an all out struggle. :)

11 months, 100 pounds!

So last night I had a good 2 mile run and I went to spinning. I didn't get to eat dinner till 11 because a guy I've went out with a few times came over and we watched Labryinth (yeah, I'm a cool one, I realize)... so anyways, before I ate I weighed myself...

The scale said 183.2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's one hundred pounds. Meaning that in about 11 months (Jan 9-Dec 1), I have lost one HUNDRED POUNDS! (Even if it was post-workout water loss weight, lol).

SO SO SO EXCITED!!!!

Back at it...

Hey all-
Here's hoping you had a fabulous Turkey Day and gave thanks for all the wonderful people and things in your life.

I certainly enjoyed my Thanksgiving... there was much eating, and I love love love spending time with my family, even if my sis and her husband were only in for a few hours. I can't wait till Christmas, when I'll be home for 1.5 weeks... :)

I'm proud of the fact that I went on a walk on Saturday morning... it was only 35 degrees! I tried to run, but the cold air just made me cough, so I settled for a brisk walk. I was going to go to the gym last night, but was super frazzled and didn't make it (I got locked out of my car yesterday on the drive back... it kind of messed up my day, even though it ended up only taking 20 mins from the time I noticed until the tow truck came... still, it was a BAD 20 MINS!). I'm headed to the gym after work, so that's exciting. I really do enjoy being more active now. My parents even commented that I don't sit still anymore... I'm always getting up to do something, walking around more, etc.

And the weight was 186.6 last night. For that to come after over a week straight of eating whatever I wanted, I'm going to call that a victory (especially since that involved 2 movie trips with popcorn and candy, 2 big italian dinners, thanksgiving, 2 pizza places, and the general junk food my parents keep in the house). I'm going to work hard this week, and really hope I can get to that 100 pound mark in the next 2 weeks!