This evening I've been looking through my old posts. There's a part of me that really misses my "skinny" year, as I call it. In the year I took off, I really focused on myself, and what I could get my body to do.
I read about loving yoga, going to kickboxing, five mile runs, enjoying fitting into smaller clothes. I read about tasty pita sandwiches, yogurt and carrots and a whole lot of grapes... and it made me miss all that me time. I was the healthiest and the lightest I've ever been in that time. But at the same time, there was a lot that wasn't healthy- I was completely obsessed with food and exercise. I was in an unhealthy relationship. I spent the year being in love with the mirror...
(But seriously- look at how hot I was, lol- For some reason, blogger isn't letting me add pictures, so I had to do the link. Oh well, look at my narcissistic little link from 2 years ago if you want.
But anyways, I've been thinking about my relationships-
The relationship I was in wasn't healthy- I loved Nathan, but he wasn't ready for a girlfriend. And silly me, having never had someone act like they liked me as much as he did, I put up with a lot of shit- going weeks at a time without seeing him, making excuses when he didn't call, or put off seeing me. Sometimes I don't think you even realize how unhealthy a relationship was until you're in a healthy one. Growing up, I've been in a lot of unhealthy relationships. It was hard for me to accept that someone would love me for exactly who I am.
Next month will mark a year with Christopher. He's been gone since Friday, and it's surprised me how much I've missed him, how hard it is to go to sleep without him. He and I have so much fun together, and I'm looking forward to spending the summer with him in the Philadelphia area. Chris loves me unabashedly. He tells me how much he loves me, how he has fun with me, how beautiful I am. He loves me now like he did 45 pounds ago. In part, I'm sure, it's due to his mom, who struggled with her weight. He knows my weight will fluctuate, but it isn't everything. He loves me for me, baggage and all. I feel really lucky to have him. :)
So while I'm a lot heavier than I was in the skinny year, and while I know it's about time to lose some weight again (knees starting to hurt...and just not feeling good in general)... I'm happy with where I am in my life.
1 comments:
Interesting look back on your "skinny" year. There were times in my life when I was thin but not really in a good place, and I think it's really great that you are able to sort through what was good and what wasn't - and now, you can get yourself healthy for the right reasons.
P.S. So glad you have a sweet boyfriend now - you deserve someone who treats you well!
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